Monday, May 12, 2008

Special Angels in our life

Some people are in your life for a Reason, A Season and A Lifetime. ....

God gets our attention in some interesting ways... He's a jealous God ... so naturally, He will want some attention ... and undivided at times. For the first time I wondered about why God does things ... Why He gives so much pain to one person who does not deserve it, and none to another .. who .. in my mind does.
Why He takes the beautiful caring people of this earth away .... long before those who are selfish and uncaring.
Why He allows something like Cancer.... that eats at the human body ... and destroys it... mutilating it....

Friday, May 09, 2008

Hurt People... Hurt People

How true is that?

.. A friend of mine had that up as his MSN tag line and i contemplated it for a while. Then I realised that, even tho we may live in a world that has a plethora of help around for people who may be mentally... shall we say ... disturbed or hurt, that does not mean that they engage the services of such help. So what we have are MANY and i don't mean just MANY .... but MANY MANY people who walk around with gashes and gaping wounds, cuts and bruises naked to the human eye, but bleeding on the inside. These hurts carve away canyons in people's hearts, in their minds, creating eroded blow holes that explode from time to time, burnt out deserts that were once lush forests from constant cutting of the shade ....

These people are your mothers, who you abused verbally - once, these people are your best friends who you lied to - once, these people are your husbands and wives who you cheated on - once... and after that there was a barricade that was put up on their parts - a natural human reaction, to prevent the already experienced stabs of pain in their hearts. Who in their right mind would endure such pain over and over ... willingly?

So with these barricades come automatic responses, eyes rolling, certain faces, mouths than turn in a certain direction that show disapproval, disassociation, distance. These walls bring fear, judgement, distrust. These iron fences harbour dreams of revenge in one way or the other.

And it is in these walls, these fences, these barricades that the unintentional hurt emanates.

Children are innocent because they have not experienced these emotions of hurt and disappointment. So when they do things... most often than not it is done with no prior intentions, or no knowledge of consequences - hence the word INNOCENT.

Adults, project what goes on inside them and give back to world, knowingly or unknowingly, what someone else has meted out to them. Thus the vicious cycle of hurt continues.

Christ died to stop all this. It does not make us perfect or immune to the projecting. But it does show us the wickedness behind hurtful things pelted at us. He gives us a reason to love someone even though they seem to be stabbing us.... He gives us a reason to be fair to people new in our lives who have never done anything wrong to us, but who may receive punishment on someone else's behalf... just because they seem to be the same, said something that triggered, or we just were not in the mood that day ...

Our lives change each day, with different words that come out of people's mouths that can cut roads into our future.

I for one don't want to let something that i experienced with one person, hurt my relationship with another.

Let my bygones . .. be just that... BEGONE. They are gone and i hold no grudges against anyone.



Whatsoever a man sows that shall he also reap.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Tobago

A Very fascinating fact of this whole journey is People. The People of Tobago are some of the most interesting minded persons that I have ever met ... and they admit it... they ALL know that they don't like to work and that they are lazy. My dad has said it this way, "If you are living in Paradise already, there is nothing else that can motivate you." ..

But i think that it hurts them more than it helps them. Every day activities are done with the utmost PAIN. Here is one experience that I think was the Worst so far!. I walked into a Francis Fashion in Gulf City Mall very anxious to spend some money on a shoe. Needless to say, I could not find anyone to help me get the size that I wanted. i made eye contact with some floor staff but they simply looked away. Finally I decided that I would walk up to the Counter and see if I could get the Cashier (who i really didn't expect to help me) to get someone who could help me. "Hi excuse me," I asked the lady who was counting copious amounts of red dollar bills, "Is it possible for me to get a size in this shoe?" ... pause ... pausee.... she's still counting the money ....she looks up at me ... and yet continues to count the money .... Of course I'm in shock right now .. so I thought that i would give her the opportunity to finish counting her precious red bills. No.... nothing ... she walks away and never even gave me a second glance.
My blood begins to broil.
So i slllowwwly walk away and think tomyself " NAH!".... Going to find someone else, I came across a girl that was on the floor but was helping to do something with the Cashier on the other side. I asked her the same question. Of course, am I surprised?? I got - Cursory glance at the shoe i held in my hand.... then a continuation of what she was doing .... my eyes widened in Pure Madness... I was about to start to behave like a Rarawhoo in de place...
I paused and was very tempted to be rude and ask her if she was planning on getting the shoe...
i walked away assuming that the answer to my unasked question was yes.
About 8 mins after I was not doubting my confidence in her ... I was about to smashe the heel of the shoe into a showcase glass or better yet .. walk out with something in my hand .. and then ask innocently "Oh Great .. that's what I need to do to get some Attention? Can I get a size in this SHOE PLEASE?"
A little bit more and she came back with the size .... I tried it on, moving away almost Apolegically that I interrupted her. The shoe looked horrible on me ... and I was almost to the point of Embarrassment to ask for another one... So I could not find the girl who brought the shoe to me to tell her that it didn't fit. So I am walking around the store trying to find her ... and then I decided that I would simply find another shoe.
Of course I didn't want the other shoe.. so I finally decided that I would leave the Box on a showglass and walk around only with the one that I wanted... As I put down the box i saw the same girl heading upstairs to the storage room. I asked her for the size in the new shoe.
Total disregard to me as she said, "Just check to see if that box there has a red shoe" She spoke to another floor girl, "Because I can't afford dese shoes" ....
So i was left with my jaw wide open and my mouth dribbling.

I was BROILING MAD .. and I really wanted to behave like a Backa yard Hoe! ... but instead I was just persistant ... Why should i really give my hard earned money to these people who money launder all their Money ANWAYS??? .. after walking around again .. i decided .. obviously this was NOT worth it ..

FRANCIS FASHIONS SERVICE SUCKS!!! in TOBAGO ..
I found another one and went throught the same trauma to get some help .. in fact .... I was tired of walking abo

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Have you ever been in love???


Well....?? .. Have you ??? I mean .. REALLY in love? .. And if you were how would you know? Actually ... I know what it's like ...
Its like a sick feeling that you get when you're not around the person ... as if ... there is apart of you that is missing .... it s the jump in your heart anytime you see the person ... kind like ... if they scared you.... it's the relief you feel when they smile ... it's the craving to hear their voice that you get anytime you are vaguely bored.. worried, sad, upset, angry .. anything ...
it's the happiness you feel deep inside for someone else you may see holding hands and looking happy ... and then the immediate long for your own hand holding ur darling's.... it's that blindness that over comes you ... as if there is no other good looking guy around there... and even if someone DOES come along .. you are sooo oblivious to the fact because your brain is not even NEAR there... :S
It's the ridiculous anticipation of seeing them .. if you have been away from each other for some time ...
it's the irresistible urge to be sooo comfortable with them ... as soon as u can ... like ..." can i fart now?" ...
it's the lack of self control.... you just HAVE to see them ..
it's the willingness to spend Ridiculous amounts of money ... just to see them happy .... you will bend over backwards to have them say " awww thanks .. i love it" .. it's the ability to stare at them while they sleep ... even when you are very sleepy yourself different :).... its the grin that you have on ur face when you talk to them ... it's the bubbly feeling that they make you feel when they bring you a present.... it's the ability to cry because ..... well .. because u are so happy that you are finally going to be legally bound ...
it's the ability to argue .... fight ... and them passionately make up .... and the desire to share ... everything ... (not teeth!) ...

then ... when it's all done .... truth be told ... at the end of the day .. that is just the BEGINNING ... after that ... we have to consciously make a decision to love this person .. every single day .. for the rest of our lives ....

it then becomes a decision ... and not a feeling... that's when it becomes hard....

Saturday, March 15, 2008

If I could live for ever ... would I?

Take, for example, Miss Alabama's argument, if you can call it that, given during the Miss America competition in 1994. The competition host asked: "If you could live forever, would you want to, and why?" Miss Alabama answered, "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."

Profound..... But seriously .. what if we COULD live forever? ... How many generations would we really see .. and would we learn from the mistakes of our forefathers ... since .. they would be around???
Even though I believe in Heaven and that at the end of it all, we would be brought to glory to live with our Heavenly Father .. here on a new earth that will be without spot and problem, I would like to explore the fact that we don't live forever. (Starting to sound like Miss Alabama!)

I believe that everything happens for a reason, therefore we can start from the beginning and say that God KNEW that Adam and Eve would sin and that they would fall from grace and no longer be living forever. So that He NEVER planned for us to just go on Living on this earth ... that would actually limit his creativity and His ability to show us off as creatures of Adaptation and change. Imagine for one moment all the people in the world since Adam and Eve, still alive ... ???? .... Simmer on that .... Well for one thing ... we would have some SERIOUS Overpopulation!! . If you think CHINA is bad! .. I also think that we would have lost alot of the Beauty of creation just so that Human kind can survive. Because we already do alot of reclaiming of land for Housing etc.... destroying forests for wood and paper... i mean .. it would be a desolate land .. much like the ones that they show for the year 2050 and stuff ... I mean ... it would be HORRID... and then Technically ... God would have had to create the earth HEAPS bigger than it is now..
So NO .. I don't think we were EVER intended to live forever. Not Now...

Later on After the Rapture and stuff, We will .. because that is the promise that God has made to us ... that we will reign with Him in the New Heaven and the New Earth. So .. then in that case .. God has either A perfect figure of how many people will be inhabiting this new Earth so that there is No overcrowding .... OR .. the New Earth will have no Limitations .... I personally believe both quadrants are true.

New Earth limitations will not be what we experience today ... our mind i think .. still cannot fathom what God has in store. And I actually like it that way ... it keeps life .. and well life after rapture very interesting.... and keeps me Amazed by God.... always :)

So what do YOU think? .... Would you like to live forever????

Friday, January 04, 2008

Time Heals All....

You know the old adage " Time heals all wounds" .. well .. i think they lie!! .... Time may make it not hurt so bad ... but there is no healing .. the wound still there ... below the surface .. but it there ... God on the other hand.... heals them, makes them dry up ... scab up ... and then dissappear ...and then that's when u can go ... see look at this ... this is when ... so so so ... :D .. .and it's a vivid memory of something that u learnt....
God takes us through moments like that .... where ... we are asked to do something .. and we don't ... we want to do things on our own time... but God asks us to wait... but we insist that now is the time .... and He allows our "buss toe" ... so that we will learn for the next time... but I don't know about u.. But i get PLENNTY buss toe when i was younger ... so I am not surprised when i get more than one buss toe from God :) .. he he ... but I am trying to relax .. and not get so uptight about my life ... and where it is going ... because everyone else around me seems to be thinking that I'm losing out on some ... other life I should be having .. :S
My plan of Action ... go into FULL gear with what is given to me ... no regrets... no stopping ... no holding back :-) ... Just let Him push ... and I run ....

Running Shoes on ... vision on.... and i'm off!

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Happy New Year 2008!!!!


Happy New Year Everyone !! ... Gone are the yesterdays that we have so many memories of ..... Hello to the todays .... and who knows what the tomorrows will bring, for they are not ours to boast of....
I thank God for his Mercies .. that are new EVERYmorning.... He has kept me safe from 2 car accidents in 2007 ... Injury free.... He has maintained my sanity when I thought that it was running FAST and far away from me .... He has brought me back into His arms when I thought that He was no longer listening to me ... He held me in His arms when i needed a good hug, opened my eyes when i couldn't see.. for that I am grateful .... He is the Great and Awesome God when i can't fight anymore ... the Dread Champion when I feel low and i am weak...
So now when I feel troubled... weak , frustrated .. I know that my God will take me through... why? because He has done it before .... i am a living testimony to that.